Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Winter 98', Junior year of high school. Say February.
Mitchy-E buys Keystone Premium Twacks (twelve packs) (we are 16/17 mind you.
Brother's iD. it was crucial and he killed it) for the whole crew and we head to Boykin's
(a chick a year younger that was notorious for having ragers, parental approved) No problem.
We are there before the sun even sets running it. Spitting freestyles over the Ditty instrumental.
damn then the bud again...don't gimme no bammer, only DANK. Night fades. Rooney's older
brother shows up with Cardy Harper who had it in for me since we were mad young. He treated
me like the step little brother he never had, pretty much a dick head bully. He once held me out of
a 2 story house over the balcony and dangled me there drunken. Anyways I am already about
4 deep into it and he sits me down and induces some strong arm chugging. In between slamming
beers I am served with dead arms and punches to the chest. Polish the twelve off and am belligerent
it is like midnight and there is no chance at snatch. Can't even hang. Although Lesetar was looking
so damn fine. Not this time, or ever. Rooney claims his brother will give us a ride home since Boykin's
mother may or may not have been on the rag and started giving everybody the boot (i believe it
was a wingtip) They throw my drunk ass in the trunk and start fun driving style all
over Danville. We end up running gnar donuts in the grass circle in front of Monte Vista (where
we all went to school). We eventually end up back at Rooney's (aka back rub bub) pops house
(aka PAPA's) and they release me from the trunk of the green 1987 Volvo (aka the turbo) into a whirlwind
of spins and pre pukes. Back Rub Bub had just copped Tekken 4 or whatever and was all dick hard
to get some rounds in before passing out. He puts me in his room on the top bunk thinking all is well
then hears me hurling all over and comes to analyze the situation...wet keystone puke all over his walls
dripping from the top bunk all the way to the floor. The smell was similar to old mop water mixed with
day old beer mixed with battery acid. Delicious. Rooney actually does a decent job of cleaning up given
the circumstances and we pass. In the morning Papa is happy about the new In-N-Out Burger that had
just opened around the corner and goes to get us all some. In that time we clean the hell out of that room
with all kinds of chemicals and rags whatever. Coulda used a ShamWOW (dolphin jizz). We dial it
in, as Papa eventually moved and was none the wiser. I could not even look at the Double Double in front
of me and almost blew it. Got a ride home and had the worst hangover of my life, straight into my Dad
making me help him wash 2 cars. Goddamn it, I wanted to keel over and pray to the porcelain god, that
white porcelain god.
Bonus info: Chuck eventually owned the 1987 Volvo "Turbo" and rode that fucker til the wheels fell off.
literally. Through this experience as shit as it was I LEARNED to drink and could hang after this.